so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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