i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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