I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Randomize
