I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
