Your face is a jimmy john
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just forgot I was standing up.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize