onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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