were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
