so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
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