Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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