i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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