I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
