You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just threw up on my dentist
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
