so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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