Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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