my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
