you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I got inside last night via doggy door
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
