My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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