I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
