There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
