Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
