My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize