Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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