Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
