right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
