Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
