Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
