We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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