Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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