Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
