i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
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