i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
