I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
