I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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