I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
