I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
love makes seman taste better
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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