he thought i was a dude.
operation harelip BJ is a go
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
