I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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