i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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