There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
