I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
