I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
