I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
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Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
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Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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