My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
