I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You did what with his pubic hair?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize