Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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