she was so not down for the gang bang
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
