im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
