I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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