I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
