I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
