I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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