I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
