Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
