ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Drake has all the answers
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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