I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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