I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
