The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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