Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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