smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
