Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
