you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
