The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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