she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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