I can text with my tongue
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
