How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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