he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
